The Edit

I have no right to want to touch you, even though my body craves it. I shouldn't want to kiss you, even though my mind can think of nothing else. I dare not speak to you of words of love, even though my heart feels it. I won't allow myself to imagine that you are mine, even though I believe it. I can't let me dream these sweet dreams, even though I see it. So I pretend, but deep down I think we both know it.

Domino effect

There's a swirl in the pit my stomach that spreads to every part of my body, simmering in a pool of hot heat, an internal volcano ready to erupt... And all you did was smile.

Lost Treasure

Sometimes it feels like we're living on memories, of how great it used to be. How about realising, the potential of how much better it could be? There's still so much more to learn, to explore, to uncover. Why give up now thinking the journey's over, just because you think, you've arrived, at the destination? Open your eyes and see beyond, the limitations you've previously set. See him, and her and definitely see me. Open your heart and feel, feel more than your personal barriers allow you to. Feel that and certainly feel this. Open your mind and think, think past the invisibly lines, that have held you back. Think about how, and when, and always think about you. And when you're open, you can let go of the fear, and you can dream boldly, and you can live fully, and you can re-discover your lost treasure.

Past, Present, Future

Disappointments of the past have left me guarded, unsure, scared.
Yet in my present, I'm humbled by pieces of kind hearted humanity; surrounded by breath taking beauty; inspired by subtle caresses of hope; awakened by unrelenting faith. I take off the mask, and I open up; naked, unashamed. I take chances, live through the precious illusions, the harsh realities and those times I'm floating in between. There's times it feels so good - joy, laughter, fun, happiness. There's times it feels so bad - more disappointments, set backs, misunderstandings, sadness.
When I think of the future, I know the paths are somewhere out there laid out for me to walk on, and the clues are hidden in plain sight for me to find. And it's exciting, it's scary, it's my destiny... I can't wait!

Heaven and Hell

Words cut and penetrate and the pain forces me to my knees. Bound and caged by imaginary chains and walls, that keep me here. I'm getting up and coming back for more, each and every time. Whispering "Take some more". Silly me, I think I can handle it. Why not? I'm strong enough, balanced enough, I can get back on my feet. I can shield it off, deal if I so choose. Can't I? Look how well I'm doing?... Look how well I can pretend. I'm withering, and I'm dying inside, and I'm fading into nothingness. And I don't want to be in nothingness. Yet still I keep coming back for more...

Because I've seen the other side. I've had words caress and illuminate and the joy lifted me up off the ground. It was free will and the gentle tug of my heart that kept me here. I stayed and only wanted more bliss each and every time. Whispering "Everything that I am, is yours". Silly me, I thought I could make you see it. Why not? I'm sweet enough, beautiful enough, I could sweep you off your feet. I could get past the shield, show you I'm the real deal. Look how well we fit... I don't have to pretend. I'm soaring, and alive inside, and emerging into completeness. And I want to be in completeness. This is why I keep coming back for more...

Addict

My body shakes with an intensified ache, my palms are sweating, my eyes are glazed over in anticipation. Sweet, sweet anticipation. I live for this moment, the high, the excitement, the smell, the taste, the blissful state of complete oblivion. When I'm lost in liquid heat, my toes curled in delight, my lips parted in a half smile, half sigh, my eyes closed to welcome the explosion of shooting stars. Because you see, through this I am whole. Nothing matters, everything is a wonderful blur of sensation upon sensation. Oh to live in this state forever... Forever addicted to this and that and you and you and you...

Angel's tears

I watch you, drift through life now, trying to find meaning, trying to find hope, trying to find peace. Having seemingly spent an eternity without you - loving you, needing you, always loving you, I understand the pain, the loss. It was my loss too. The memories keep me warm on cold nights. Thoughts of you brighten up my darkest days. Did you know that I'm with you all the time, just like I was before. When you need me, just close your eyes, and I'll always be there. The bond we share goes beyond this lifetime, and I promise that one day we'll meet again. So hush baby, please don't cry. But, if you must then know this - those tears that you shed, I'm shedding them too.

The confession

I fall, a little more everyday. Piece by piece of my heart. Some leave willingly, others reluctantly. Some go unexpectedly, others follow a carefully planned out route. Regardless of how; the choice was never a question. The choice was always the answer... I fall piece by piece everyday... I have no more pieces left

The edge of heaven

It's there in front of me. I can see it. I can feel it. So close. The temptation to dive right in has me heady with excitement.
I'm cautious; so I dip my toes in, not wanting to immerse myself completely. But it feels right. I know without a doubt, that an indescribable joy awaits.
I'm careful though; even as my foot sinks in. Yet it feels good. Acute sensations spread through my body, igniting a passion long laid dormant.
I'm sensible; I can jump in and not lose control. Reflect, analyse and plan out the best route. It feels safe.
I'm grounded; enough to know and accept how I need, what I want, why I love. It feels like some more.
I'm smart; I know when it's time to fly. So here I am, ready to be lost in the rapture of a most beautiful release.
I am more myself than ever before.

I know

I know that there are some things I just don't know.
Like why and how.
But I know what I feel, I know me.
I'm the sights I see, the sounds I hear, the things I learn, and the dreams I dream. I'm the tears that have made me stronger; the smiles that have made me thankful; the fears that have kept me grounded; and the hopes that have lifted me higher.
I know that as hard as it can sometimes be, there are moments that it all falls into place.

Wait

Imagine the joy of wrapping yourself up in my love, and feeling the warm glow spread through your body.
The stimulation of taking a swim through my mind, and discovering the things inside.
The comfort of speaking to my soul, in a language only we understand.
Imagine falling into me, and me into you, as we sail through life together, hand in hand.
Imagine as I imagine.
And before you give your heart to someone else...
Wait; Give me a chance to prove that with me is where you belong.
Wait; Admit that it's me, that I'm the one.
Wait; I promise it won't be in vain

Knife

Light glitters off the edge of the blade as I lift it up.
The reflection catches my eye and I'm mesmerised by the image.
Is this me? Where's the fear that I usually see?
"Do it" the voices inside scream
"But... What if..." I argue as the fear returns.
"It's time" the voices gently insist.
I nod agreeing, knowing that I have to find my own way.
My hand moves down, the faint swish joins the echoes of my silent tears of joy.
The knife, cuts through the strings that bind me, to how things used to be.
I did it. I'm free. Society no longer has a hold on me.

Acceptance

Crazy, inevitable, painful, blissful... real

Delirious

I fall into the abyss everyday. Somedays it's a gradual fall and I lay on my back arms outstretched as I drift down. Other days it's a sharp descent that takes my breath away. There are days that I'm lost there, wondering what and why and I focus all my attention on ways to get out, only to find that once I'm out it takes only minutes until I'm falling again. Most days I want to stay there forever surrounded by all the precious illusions. I wish I could define it, I wish it made sense. But I can't and it doesn't.

Without you

See me.
Know me.
Teach me.
Love me.
Confuse me.
Tell me.
Shake me.
Hear me.
Heal me.
Encourage me...
There's no me without you

Rain drops

Come wash away my troubles, hide my tears. You never let me down. Look I'm laughing now, singing and dancing now. I feel renewed. I can start all over again.

Fire

Our eyes meet - Blinding light. Burning inside.
Your lips touch mine - Intense aching. Uncontrollable shaking.
Sweet caresses - Slow burn I never want to end. Vivid colours of blues and oranges.
A soft sigh, a gasp of pleasure - Flashes of reds, how I love the reds.
Tears of joy - These are the feelings you evoke in me.
Fire, my darling fire.

Unspoken

I want to explore you; Uncover the secrets your heart's buried deep within; Strip down your defences; melt you to the core. I want to seduce your mind, and pursue your heart until you're at my feet begging... Hungry for more. Needing only me, knowing I'll fulfil your every fantasy, make your every dream come true. I want to, I need to, I have to. Because it's you. I see your face when I picture my forever. You're my soul mate. The missing piece of my puzzle. Finally I'm whole.

Cloud 9

I wish I could describe this feeling. I want to stay up high on this cloud. But with each little reality check I find myself drifting down slowly bit by bit, a little piece of my heart at a time. And then before the pieces hit the ground, they soar back up with each little new experience. I keep gluing the pieces back together, because the moments of being whole are worth it.

In my hands v.2

Your face illuminated by the moonlight.
The way your eyes sparkle when you speak of your hopes and dreams
The soft sigh that escapes your lips when you think of your most cherished of memories.
The tears that brush your cheeks when you share your past sadness.
The feel of your skin against mine.
Sweet words whispered in the darkness.
My one and only.
My soul's secret desire.
My happy ever after.
These are things beyond my grasp.
Your heart is the one thing I can never hold in my hands

In my hands v.1

I treasure my memories
I gather my dreams
I offer my heart
I keep my vision
I hold my ideals
In my hands, you'll find my all

Am I there yet?

Twisting, turning, breaking away. Trying to figure out what's right or wrong for me. Searching for things that can't be seen. I can feel the changes, I'm evolving, becoming who I need to be... Still my mind knows naught of the answers it seeks. Because even though in my dreams, the vision is so clear, in reality all that I think is something is nothing at all. But one day I know it'll be everything, and then I'll have finally found my home.

Inspire me

It's not the snow hitting my nose.
Or this breath of fresh air.
Its not the people I pass by,
Or the laughter that I've shared
It's not even the books that I read
Or the conversations I've heard
It's not the smiles in my coffee
Or the glow at the tip of my cigarette.
It's not the music I listen to
Or the movies I've watched.
Nothing inspires me quite like you do.

Sweet Promises

My adoring eyes would caress your body, slowly. My inquisitive fingers could surely touch your heart. Gentle kisses designed to seduce your mind, might weaken your defences. I will take you to heights beyond anything you've ever imagined, fulfil your every fantasy. I would, I could, I might, I will.

'Music' and Me Part II (the remix)

Rhythm pulsates through me, spreading like fire, providing a warmth unlike any other.
I'm drawn to you in ways beyond logical understanding.
Words strung together in a hypnotic persuasion lifts me up and spins me around.
I'm lost in you and its a beautiful bliss.
I come undone...
Forever addicted to you.

'music' and me

Sometimes I forget to remember that its not supposed to mean anything. There's even times when I actually think it's something. And more and more recently its felt like everything... I accept it, I no longer question it.

One Wish

Everything about you is so right for me. I can't help feeling that in your arms is where I'm meant to be. Your love surrounds me, your support guides me. With you by my side I grow, I soar, I fulfil my destiny. And I am to you what you are to me. And that won't change in any of our many lifetimes. Neither of us is perfect, but we've always been perfect for each other. So I was thinking that perhaps maybe you should step out of my dreams and into my reality.