keeping score

"My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me"

I have to believe, so that I'll know.
This knowledge will make me see.
In order to see, I'll have to listen.
But do I listen to my mind or my heart?
I suppose it depends on how I choose to describe my current state
Or on how much this girl can take.
Enough? More?
Well since I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel, it looks like my heart wins this particular war.

Just because

Because I want
Because I feel
Because I do
Because I must
Because I can
Because I know
Because I am
Because I dream

a shadow of your former self...

When is enough, enough?
How many times, do you have to just deal?
Why are you spending your life, tip toeing on egg shells?
Scared of other's opinions.
Mindful of their reactions.
Editing thoughts, selective with words.
A victim of a situation, of your own choosing.
Broken, defeated, devoid of all that was "you".
Step out of the shadows.
You're stronger than you realise.

long kiss goodnight

Heeding the words of advice
Trying to move on
Spinning towards change
I’m scared
Wait
Who am I without you?
Let me stay here
I’m not ready
Holding on
Resisting
Can’t stop thinking of you
How the memories pierce
Many sleepless nights
Teary eyed
Weak
I'm no longer that fool
Took back the power
Finally over you
Better off
Adieu
D.C.

Wishful thinking

I see your face,
I smile.
I hear your voice,
My heart skips a beat.
Our bodies touch,
I melt.
I inhale your scent,
I feel high.
I can almost taste you,
I ache,
Love me I say,
But you turn and walk away.

My perfect moment

It’s like reading Stephen King
As engaging as watching a really great movie
As thrilling as an unexpected snog
As exhilarating as being high for the first time
As mind-blowing as a good shag
As calming as listening to Norah Jones
As comforting as a warm fire on a cold night
As unforgettable as a smile shared between two people
As mentally stimulating as a long meaningful conversation
As wonderful as a glass of white wine
As amazing as being in love
It's even better because I’m sharing it with you

word up

I’ve always had a thing for words. I’ve heard that words are just words. Sometimes they mean something, and sometimes they mean nothing at all. I love those that are carefully thought out, and beautifully constructed, into the apt phrase or sentence. They can convey so much; a frame of mind, a place you’re at, a feeling. They bring us together, tear us down, hurt, heal, confuse.
Okay, so words probably are just words, and what you get out of them, depends on how you choose to use them, and on how you choose to interpret them.
Words, have always allowed me, to embrace the emotions that flow through my veins. With words, I can journey down the roads my imagination takes me on. It's my escape. I can say what I want, I can let it all out, I can sympathise, I can feel, I can relate, I can belong...
For me, words are so much more than just words.

exhale

Do you ever just sit, and listen, to the sounds around you? Ever notice, how different it's become? Different places, different faces, different lives. I’ve adapted, but that doesn’t mean, I still don’t miss the days gone by. I’ve moved on, but it doesn’t mean, I still don’t miss you. If you're still the same person, why does it feel like you’re not? Or am I the one who’s changed? Can we ever go back, or is it too late for that?

I look at the sun set, not quite as beautiful here, but still compelling enough to take me back. I remember all the fun, the excitement and the adventures. Did life improve over time, or did my expectations, of what I want out of it just change? What’s happy?
The rain knocks against my window and I remember all the stress, the sadness, the bad times. Did life get harder overtime, or did the lessons to be learnt, just change?
What’s sad?
My smiles wouldn’t be the same, without my tears. My joys wouldn’t be the same, without my pains. These words have all been said before, these feelings all been felt before; despite the differences in beliefs, views, principles and situations.

One thing I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older, is that all the problems have been solved, or have faded away; all the bad times, when I think about it now, weren't as bad, as they'd seemed to be at the time; and all the good times, when remembered seem even better. Knowing all this, gives me hope for the future. I know that even though the ups and downs are far from over, I’m strong enough to handle them both… strong in faith, strong in mind, strong in spirit. Strong because of you; the people I’ve met, loved and lost along the way. My voice at times never said the words “thank you”, but my heart always did.

fear of heights

Push further
Do more
Is it ever enough?

Should I care?
Do I dare?
So what if people stare?

Look beyond
Open up
Say what’s on my mind

Take a chance
Try to get out of this trance
Dance

Society makes it all about the money
What I want isn’t what I need
And my need to want these things shouldn’t determine my life’s course

I need to rise above
Only I can make that change
It’s time to start a new page

Live life
Fight for my beliefs
Don’t lose myself

Respect
Forgive
Love

Won't wait another year
Already shed my last tear
The unknown I no longer fear

I’ve made it now