The music within

I see you losing yourself and it breaks my heart.
You used to try,
You had an unquenchable desire to make a difference; to have more; to be you; to find your inner peace.
You saw it, you talked of it, for a while it seemed like you believed it.
Then you lost it.
Well you gave it to him nicely wrapped, and he took it, crushed it, destroyed your spirit, dulled the passion, stripped the colour you'd started to fill in.
And she saw this, she saw you vulnerable again, and she took the pieces and hid them so far and wide, you've now seemingly given up finding and putting them together.

I watch you being pulled into the vortex of life as you know it, struggling for air, wanting to break free, but bound by the invisible strings you've grown accustomed to, and it makes me sad.
Just because this shit is what you know, this shit doesn't have to be what you accept.
You're not weak, you are one of the strongest people I know. Especially for others.
Be that person for you.
Stop punishing yourself for crimes you did not commit.
You deserve so much more than you're resigning yourself to accept.

Yes there's insecurities here that we all have, and I understand that its easier to allow them to over rule.
It's easier to just let it be.
But what, that is worthwhile, is easy? Easy isn't easy if you can't be you. Easy isn't easy when the happiness you seek seems to be getting further and further out of your grasp.

Know this, you have strength in your essence, courage buried in the depths of your eyes, untapped power behind your soft heart, and there's no denying that unmistakable beauty of your soul.

Come look, see yourself through my eyes, see the wonder I see.
Take my hand, I'll help you as I always have tried to.
Some parts of this journey I know you need to take with someone else or by yourself, but you have your faith in God, and that means you'll never be alone.

Find your solo rhythm
Live the serene lyrics
Embrace the vibrant melody
And yes there's the storm you fear right now, but stand up and face it -
Dance, just dance
A rainbow will soon appear.

Sixth Sense

Am I not pretty?
Don't you like my sassiness?
Do I not ooze sexiness?
Perhaps I offend with my blunt tone?
Or bore with my practical rational?
Surely I beguile with my imagination.
And intrigue with my way with words.
My sense of humour must cause you to smile from time to time.
I know this big heart of mine hasn't gone unnoticed.
So what is it?
Why am I not enough?
Ah, I see - I'm more.
I'm your sweet fantasy.
A wild dream come true.
A wish fulfilled.
Your heart's desire.
Everything you never knew you wanted.
Scary shit that!

Remember

There was a time when I believed in magic, I believed in love. It was like a classic love story, a soul stirring ballad, traces of poetry by Rumi. I can honestly say I'd never felt that high before. Never loved as much, or as deeply, because it was an answered prayer, a gift bestowed. I was naked, open, connected, whole. For the longest time I'd thought God had looked down at me, and with a smile had said "here it is".

Remember when? No, probably not.

There was a time when I felt pain, I hated love. It was like a Shakespeare tragedy, an angry rock song, tortured pieces of f-you prose. I can honestly say I'd never felt that low before. Never hurt as much, or had been that broken, because it was a reality check, a curse. I was hiding, torn, closed, shattered. For the longest time I'd looked up at God, and with tears in my eyes, had asked "why is it?".

Remember that? No, probably not.

Now is the time when I can reflect. My faith in love is renewed. I'm inspired by a flowing waterfall that washes my worries away. I'm glowing from the sun kissing my skin. Here in this garden of life, I've released all my frustrations. I can honestly say I've never felt more at peace before. Never hoped as much, because I'm done with the pain. It's a healing, a treasure. I'm ready for change, moving on, preparing to dance again. Now I can look up at God and ask "Where is it?". And when he answers "Soon", I believe... I believe.

Remember me? One day you will.

My Voice

Somehow, somewhere I lost my voice. Maybe it was when my words were ignored by you. Or perhaps when my thoughts were dismissed by you. Had I become so dependant on your approval?
Why?
Just because you whisper, why should I?

I refuse to be silenced. I am me, strongly opinionated, quietly confident, slightly scrambled but okay with it. If you can't deal or handle that, forgive me for saying, but I no longer give a shit.