Bloody Hell

Pieces of my heart exit my body like menstrual flow. 

Memories punch like severe cramps tearing, ripping, bringing tears as I curl into a ball of sorrow and self pity. 
I can numb the pain. But it's only a mask. 
I go from that high to this low in seconds. 
The angel becomes a bitch. 

Why do I have to suffer for sins that I did not commit? 
Heart rebuilds, only to break again and again. 
For several days a month I go through this unbearable reminder that I have no control over certain things. 
It's all just messed up period. 

But this curse is my body rejecting waste that could destroy my mind. 
It's the preparation for a new beginning. 
A release of toxic feelings. 
Warnings of missed opportunities wrong for me marked in dark red. 

So I continue this cycle until the day heart fuses together with soul, and gives birth to pure love.‎

Shoop Shoop

‎I have learnt... 

That to some you can be easily replaced. 
Just because you’re there for someone doesn’t mean they’ll be there for you. 
People will believe what they want to, and will see what they want to see. 
The truth can be hard to handle. 
I can hate as much as I love. And hate that I still love. 
We get hurt, we hurt back. 
You can give so much of yourself and not have it be appreciated, but giving especially of yourself is a gift and not something to regret. 
Rash decisions have consequences. 
Sometimes space is needed to find peace within. 
Anger solves nothing. 
Speaking your mind is rare and real. 
I won't walk on egg shells. 
I don't care if I'm liked or not. 
Silence can say much. 
Defending yourself is not a crime. 
Showing emotion is not a weakness. 
Some broken things can't be fixed and some can. 
Tears are as important as smiles. 
Not having an apology from someone isn't the end of the world. 
Unkind words can not be taken back, but hopefully the many kind words will be remembered too. 
I can live without - I chose not to. 
What is meant to be, will be and what isn't won't. 
There's pieces of me that are where they should be, they are home. 
I've done all I can do for now. 
It's not the end. 
Everything will be okay. ‎