What this woman wants Part II

You... All of you... Always you... No one but you... Why you?

Bottoms up

Our eyes meet, I choose not to hid behind the mask I’ve adapted in your presence.
How can I, when your eyes are now revealing, undressing, seducing, questioning…
You coax me to you, with a naughty smile and a crook of your finger.
I claim your lips in the same way you claimed my affections – unexpectedly.
You take over, and with a gentle tug on my bottom lip, my mouth parts in a half sigh, half moan.
I’m open, I’m yours, You know this.
Your tongue teases mine.
Followed by a hot trail of kisses as I help you strip each item of clothing off my willing body.
Stroke me!
Your hands caress me in the oh and ahh places that longed for your touch on many hot nights and cool mornings.
Taste me! 
I’m light-headed, intoxicated by the moment.
Take me!
I'm on the brink of reaching a high beyond any previous comprehension
Bottoms up!

Relapse

It's coming. It haunts me, chases me. I run, I run but sometimes I'm not quick enough, I don't re-focus fast enough. And it attacks, it grabs a hold of me and pulls me down into the darkness. A darkness I've never known before. Here I'm alone and I'm petrified. Everything's painted black. In the distance I see the light, I see the colour - but it's so far, so very far, and I have no energy, I can't get there. I have no strength. Tear's fall and my body shakes. I cry for this weakness in me, this temporary insanity. "Help me!" I whisper. I feel so inadequate. I feel so ashamed. No one hears and I lash out. I withdraw. I'm screaming - without sound. I verbally rip to shreds, "fuck this!, fuck that!, fuck you!". Then I feel the pull back up, a gentle tug source unknown "You'll get through this. Everything will be okay". The word's echo in my brain, and I hold onto them tightly. "Yes, but not today". I think. Today there are no nice words to bring me back from the numbness. There's no positive spin at the end of my prose to piece my broken pieces together. Today, I'm not my own hero, I'm a stranger... Lifeless

My Prayer

Lord, as much as I wanna ask "why this again"? I know I should rather say "I know you'll help me through this" Please, let me find the strength I need and the determination to never want to give up. And may I always say thank you for my blessings. I have many, even on the really bad days, I have many. I'm still adjusting so forgive me the frustrations, and angry questions. I'm impatient, but I realise things take time, and all this is part of the plan you have for me. One day it'll all make sense. You've put the best people in my life, to help me through this, and even though there's moments I feel like I'm going through this alone, I never am.